As I pulled my baby carrots out of the refrigerator, I recalled my wonderful Craft Services Lady from Sunday's shoot. In addition to the requisite beef jerky, bananas and gum, she also had single-serving packs of organic baby carrots and celery slices … and, surprisingly, a sunny attitude toward the background talent. She actually sauntered over to us with her weighty tray of sundries. "Hey, everybody," she sang out, a basket of mini-Snickers hanging from her left arm. We had our fill and then some. And our delight was hers.
This is to be contrasted with my usual Craft Services Lady, who shall remain nameless. In her presence, without fail, I am treated like a cockroach -- a dirty creature eyeing her wares. Unfortunately for her, food consumption and boredom are directly correlated, and background extras often have the most boring job on set. We stand when told to stand, we walk when told to walk; kindergarteners have more stimulating days. But we're background, and we're proud of it.
My Indignatory Self was aroused on Sunday. "Why can't Wicked Witch of the West be more like Little Miss Sunshine?" I wondered. Why is one offended when we approach her wares and the other welcoming? And then my mental chatter was off and running -- why can't people be nicer, isn't it her job, etc, etc, etc and so on and so forth … and eventually, even I was annoyed at my own thoughts.
This, of course, was exacerbated by other events in my life. I had been swimming in the pond of rejection lately, shunned by colleagues. At my size, I was often left lingering against the wall as teams were picked in grade school. And I was in the middle of such an episode.
But today, I came back to my senses. Wicked Witch of the West was actually serving up something greater. She was showing me that I'm capable of far more than I was crediting myself. I'm here to find all the paths to love, peace, relaxation … fill in the blank. I'm here to learn to love in new ways everyday, and they're here to show me how to do it with flair. I'm here to know my worthiness despite my surroundings, and events are here to teach me all the secret nooks and crannies of that knowledge. I don't need friendly and loving people around me all the time. I just need to have my friendliness and love in my back pocket at all times.
So, Wicked Witch of the West and Distancing Colleagues, I'm ready. Bring the torrent and torment. I'm shall steadfastly steer myself toward peace every chance I get … maybe not always gracefully, maybe without pouting every now and then … but it takes resistance to build a muscle … and what is the heart but a bundle of muscle?